It's All Falling Into Place

I’ve been looking forward to memorizing these next verses in Psalm 33: No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength.  A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save.  But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.

I realize anew that it doesn’t matter who I am, what I own, where I live, I am not immune to “surprises.”  And how silly it would be of me, when a challenge comes my way to talk about these things, as if they should have protected me. 

I am brought to my knees, to my face, once again, as I think about God’s “New Year Message” for me to “Fear the LORD.”  He was preparing my heart to face this cancer season.  He brought me to Psalm 33 to memorize and meditate on it; and here is his statement to me: The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him…”   He wants me to know deeply that his eyes are on me, and that I don’t place my hope in cures, or diets, or clinics, or the money to pay for all those things, but that I hope in Him, in his “unfailing love.”  He then says he will  “deliver them from death.”  One way or the other He, and He alone will deliver me from death.  Either meaning, that he will keep me alive on earth despite the cancer, or that he will take me home to continue the eternity that I’ve already begun living here on earth side.

Two words that have caught my attention in this Psalm are "unfailing love."  Three times they are expressed.  Stay tuned!  God will be using the message of his unfailing love for us.  I'm catching on to how He works.

On Saturday, a thought entered my head, “I wonder God, why you want me to have cancer.”  The moment I realized the lie I had thought, God and I both tackled it, and rather affirmed, “NO, God does not want me to have cancer… never, ever.  Cancer is an evil brought on by satan himself.”  I was quick to speak against the cancer and the enemy of my soul.  It felt so cleansing.  Truly, I felt health rip through my body.  I realize that God has allowed satan to do this to me… but God will always take what looks like satan’s triumph and make it His own.  Look at Jesus!  His last day looked pretty desperate – Jesus dead on the cross, then buried.  But that horrible act became our greatest triumph – our way of salvation.

I also realized on Saturday, that I had put a lot of hope into that bone biopsy coming back negative for cancer.  So many people are praying for me.  The doctors remind me that it could be something else.  I have been doing my little anti-cancer self-treatments.  Simply put, I hoped for a negative test result.  So when I got the email saying it was positive for breast cancer mets, my hope was dashed.  I was undone.  My problem?  I had taken my hope off the LORD and put it onto “results.”  However, my hope will never be dashed if it remains in the LORD.

(And wouldn’t you know that Sunday’s sermon was on HOPE! -  I Peter 1.  I love when God brings reinforcement to a word He speaks to my heart.  And so my Hope is in the LORD.)

Things are falling into place.  My friend Rivi,  left me a message on Saturday while we were at Paul and Jenessa’s wedding and I didn’t know when I’d be able to call her back. But the wedding party got back-logged at Penn Park, waiting for the best spot to get their pictures taken.  This gave me time for a lengthy chat about a clinic in Mexico that she would be going to the next day.   She ruled out a place I thought I wanted to go to, and found something better.  I love how it all works together. 

Then yesterday, Seth and Dave wrote about my situation, asking for help.  I cry every time I go to my email and get the notifications.  I also received a phone call promising a nice sum of money to help with the expenses.  I don’t want to take that much from anyone… but the act spoke to me of love, and it added peace.  

(I know there is concern about how much has been raised.  As of now, Wed evening, just over 24 hours of the request going out, we have $2700… we are so very thankful.)

So, it’s coming together.  God may have healing for me at the prayer meeting on Saturday… my hope is in God though, not in healing.  He has made my heart at peace.