Family Meeting

March 30, 2013

Last night we had a “family meeting,” or "talk," or "chat" … One of our kids really didn’t like the “meeting” moniker – “too scary.”  This whole thing is scary for them.  They lose if I don’t get well. 

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; O LORD hear my voice.  Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy…. I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.  (PS 130: 1, 2, 5, 6)

We went around and talked about the reality of the situation.  First and foremost our hope is planted in God; and the hope that He will heal completely.  We look for what He is “up to” – that is,  since He has allowed this, where is the good that will come about?  So, I guess I could say our hope is expressed three ways: 1) In God – our refuge; 2) In God – to bring healing, 3) In God – to bring good out of this.

Secondly, we talked about how we each cope.  One of Seth’s friends remarked to him earlier in the week that one of his coping mechanisms must be to do impulsive things.   He went and got his ears pierced this week!  I noted a couple of others: I guess I start writing; Ariana immediately texted friends for prayer as an outlet.

We realize that we have to distinguish between hiding and coping.  Watching TV or reading books can be our hiding strategies.  But the coping that seemed most helpful was talking to family and friends, staying busy with crafts, music, (not to hide, but to resist brooding), and staying in the Word.  The kids were rather adamant that I didn’t “stay strong” just for them.  They don’t want me to have that burden.  During my first cancer their response to “How are you doing?” was often, “Well mom seems to be joyful or strong, so we’re good too.”  They are very kind to give me permission to go bezerk if I need to.

We all agreed that we have to live each day.  And not to live it, necessarily like it’s our last, but live it normally.  I want them to continue on with their dreams.  Davita was ready to call off her semester in London – and that would be proper if I had only a few months; but since I have longer, I bless her to get on with it.  Ariana was thinking of foregoing Biola; she is so concerned about how we will pay for it; especially with this stuff looming; and she thought she just wanted to stay home with me; but we encouraged her to not make any such decision yet.  All things are still possible.  Seth reminds me that whether at work or school he can get home in an hour or two if need be – which would be “so much easier if I had a car.”  Was that a hint?

One thing we all heartily agreed on is that we want more family time.   We want to get away, just the five of us and create memories.  I’m a little nervous on the planning portion of that; it takes so much energy and decision-making.  (The amount of time researching alternative care is wearing me thin – but that gripe is for another day.)   So, may God give help and grace so we can pull something off this summer.  We are re-thinking the family going to Bolivia on a mission trip in June.   Not only do we need to get info from the doc, but we realize that we won’t necessarily be together.  We may all be on separate teams.  If I may have energy for just one trip this summer, it may be better for it to be a family trip.  So though Bolivia is an excellent way to minister together, will it end up frustrating us because of perhaps taking away what little time we have to dedicate to each other?  (Sure hope I’m not judged too severely for those thoughts.)

So that was the essence of it.  Dave led us in prayer; we shed a few tears together.  Mostly we were just “real” with each other.  I am most blessed by the fact that everyone is unanimous in wanting to build a stronger family bond... something they say we should do even if I was not facing this stuff.