This fight has taken on new dimensions. The enemy of my soul is
relentless. The God of my heart
holds me tight. As the attacks
intensify, so does the encouragement that surrounds me. It has taken on supernatural
proportions. The final bell has
not yet rung.
To recap what is happening; the tumor marker count continues
to fly off the charts, the bone cancer is ravaging my vertebrae in all regions,
ribs, and hips, and the latest bad news is that I have several spots in my
liver now too. What all this means
for me physically is that pain is almost always present. I can sit or lay just so, get a bit
drugged, and find relief. I no
longer drive. I walk slowly, with
pain, aided by a cane or a walker.
The most difficult things are to get up and down and to reach out for
anything. I need sleep more often
and am continuing to lose weight.
This wasn’t a sudden deterioration. Little by little I have lost
functions. I guess I was eased
into it.
As for treatments, I am now taking what my Kaiser
oncologist has suggested. If side
effects become unpleasant, then I will try something else. Strangely, sadly, Mexico docs have been
silent since I sent them my last test results.
I do have my difficult moments. The news last week of more
than one spot on my liver was a hit as were the blood work results which showed
that my body is not fighting as hard. I felt completely abandoned by God. I know his capabilities, therefore I
was completely disappointed that He was not extending relief and healing to
me. I was unable to see beyond the
bad news and pain that held me prisoner.
When Dave got home that day he sensed the darkness that
had wrapped itself around me and began to pray and rebuke the enemy,
satan. We have learned well that
he kicks the hardest when we are already down. Dirtiest kind of player.
I see a pattern that when I get bad news I tailspin, after
a bit, I get a grip, God brings comfort, and I'm ready to battle it out
again.
I did feel better the next day. So much of that had to do with encouragement I received and
continue to receive. Oh – how it
feeds my soul when others offer me nourishment. Below is a list, yet I feel
like the New Testament writer that said there are not enough pages to write all
the stories of what Jesus has done. My list too, could go on and on.
Encouragement this week (not a complete list):
My husband gets on the piano, or friends come over with
guitars and we sing praises to God and pray together.
People send encouraging music my way.
A friend broke into my house and laid down next to me in bed to cry.
A couple people helped me escape into the diversion of a movie (and
frozen yogurt.)
I get texts, cards, messages of encouraging verses, flowers,
reminders of love and prayers.
These feed my soul… God really is supernatural! His Word really is alive! (I hereby encourage everyone who is
reading my blog to start opening your Bible and reading it, memorizing it,
and meditating on it. You will find
Life and see the reality of Jesus alive!)
An excerpt of one email:
In heaven, no doubt, we will look back and say
"Of course! How loving and Sovereign You were, Lord! It could have been no
other way." May the Lord show you His
glory. Your suffering is His
outstretched arm of salvation. May He show you who He is trying to reach.
A card quoted Pastor Sayles of 1st Baptist
Church, Ashville, NC who has cancer: As I take this journey I am sustained by
my conviction that God does not cause our trouble and pain. But God loves us too much to waste
them.
And I consider Abraham.
Thank you all for your healing love and prayers! To God be the glory!
