Then Encouragement

This fight has taken on new dimensions.  The enemy of my soul is relentless.  The God of my heart holds me tight.  As the attacks intensify, so does the encouragement that surrounds me.  It has taken on supernatural proportions.  The final bell has not yet rung.

To recap what is happening; the tumor marker count continues to fly off the charts, the bone cancer is ravaging my vertebrae in all regions, ribs, and hips, and the latest bad news is that I have several spots in my liver now too.  What all this means for me physically is that pain is almost always present.  I can sit or lay just so, get a bit drugged, and find relief.  I no longer drive.  I walk slowly, with pain, aided by a cane or a walker.  The most difficult things are to get up and down and to reach out for anything.  I need sleep more often and am continuing to lose weight.  This wasn’t a sudden deterioration. Little by little I have lost functions.  I guess I was eased into it.

As for treatments, I am now taking what my Kaiser oncologist has suggested.  If side effects become unpleasant, then I will try something else.  Strangely, sadly, Mexico docs have been silent since I sent them my last test results.

I do have my difficult moments. The news last week of more than one spot on my liver was a hit as were the blood work results which showed that my body is not fighting as hard. I felt completely abandoned by God.  I know his capabilities, therefore I was completely disappointed that He was not extending relief and healing to me.  I was unable to see beyond the bad news and pain that held me prisoner.  

When Dave got home that day he sensed the darkness that had wrapped itself around me and began to pray and rebuke the enemy, satan.  We have learned well that he kicks the hardest when we are already down.  Dirtiest kind of player.

I see a pattern that when I get bad news I tailspin, after a bit, I get a grip, God brings comfort, and I'm ready to battle it out again. 

I did feel better the next day.  So much of that had to do with encouragement I received and continue to receive.  Oh – how it feeds my soul when others offer me nourishment.  Below is a list, yet I feel like the New Testament writer that said there are not enough pages to write all the stories of what Jesus has done.  My list too, could go on and on.

Encouragement this week (not a complete list):

My husband gets on the piano, or friends come over with guitars and we sing praises to God and pray together.

People send encouraging music my way.

A friend broke into my house and laid down next to me in bed to cry.

A couple people helped me escape into the diversion of a movie (and frozen yogurt.)

I get texts, cards, messages of encouraging verses, flowers, reminders of love and prayers.  These feed my soul… God really is supernatural!  His Word really is alive!  (I hereby encourage everyone who is reading my blog to start opening your Bible and reading it, memorizing it, and meditating on it.  You will find Life and see the reality of Jesus alive!)

An excerpt of one email:

In heaven, no doubt, we will look back and say "Of course! How loving and Sovereign You were, Lord! It could have been no other way."  May the Lord show you His glory. Your suffering is His outstretched arm of salvation. May He show you who He is trying to reach. 

A card quoted Pastor Sayles of 1^st Baptist Church, Ashville, NC who has cancer: As I take this journey I am sustained by my conviction that God does not cause our trouble and pain.  But God loves us too much to waste them. 

To wrap it up here, when I am stuck in pain all I really want is to hang tough so that Seth can graduate, and Ariana and Davita can finish their semesters, and not have a major disruption like their mom dying.  Yet when I can break out of the pain focus, then in faith, I keep believing and continue to say that healing is coming!  I continue to receive prayers for healing and continue to be encouraged that this is an intense time of inner healing for me.

And I consider Abraham.

Thank you all for your healing love and prayers!  To God be the glory!