A Little Miracle

I am feeling so extremely grateful for what we may call the little miracles of life.  But for me, today's miracle is huge.  I have continued to have an issue that causes me pain and discomfort that I know there must be a solution to - but day after day we try things that don't work.  Last week this was landing me into "the pits of despair" (Anne of Green Gables?).

Today - though - I feel like a fighter - we will find the solution - we will beat this.  I am full of joy today.  I am a lover of the Truth.  I can only say, "When I am weak, He is strong." (The Bible)  I can only reflect that He asks us to remain in Him. Today I meditated on what that would look like "remaining in Him," and did my best to place myself "In Him."   So is this the outcome?  I don't know.  I am happy though, and free from worry.  Maybe this is really a huge miracle.

Over the month, I have started writing various new entries for my blog.  One, on my reflections after finishing a read through of Ezekiel, another on my cyclical emotional/spiritual state... those may one day show up.  But today, I have to give glory to God for the amazing freedom and lightness I have right now.

How are things actually?  Well, I've interviewed over 15 different care givers who are willing to work for minimum wage and be here to care for me and the house.  I've hired a few of them.  We'll give it a go, God willing, starting Feb 9, with some coming next week to learn and help, since Ariana will be off to school on Feb 1.

We are hoping to pay them by proceeds from renting out our "retirement egg" house in Grand Junction.  However, it has been empty since October.  And we also want to rent out our bedroom upstairs - fishing around - still not finding the right person.  So we wait and trust.

I had planned to be in a respite home to give Davita and Dave a time of refreshment the week of Feb 1 - 6.  But I've just been told that may not happen (another hospital gets priority over Kaiser - so, hence they can't tell me until almost the last minute if I'll have a room.  Though they could find a place in one of the recovery centers where there are like 8 - 10 dying people all in the same room.  I need to pass on that option.)  Please pray for the original respite home opportunity to come through.  I had not arranged, nor have the funds to pay for help that particular week... and even if - it won't give Dave and Davita the sleep they need at night.  I've not really considered having someone actually spend the night here to help me.

I had blood drawn today to determine a couple things 1) is it time for another blood transfusion, and even more "consequential" 2) will I have my abdomen drained of its excess fluid. There is concern that the last blood tests showed that my liver was not making blood that would coagulate, hence I could become a bleeder if they tried to drain me.  So there is a big decision to be made once the results come in.  The bloated stomach is uncomfortable and at times, it makes it difficult to breath.  Draining would only be temporary.  Docs don't know if that means in 2 weeks I'll be filled up again, or 4 months. 

Actual pain from cancer is minimal to non-existent - though that could be attributed to the morphine I take daily.  Muscle degeneration I am working to overcome by daily exercising muscles.  I'm making some progress - but not enough to be able to walk yet, or get myself in a sitting position by myself.

Swollen feet and legs remain a constant - daily massages by friend and family members help tremendously, and allow me to feel sensation again in those areas.

My main struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the attacks of the evil one who brings depression, sadness, self-absorption, futility.  So I daily put on the full armor of God so I can best deflect the attacks of the enemy, recite and be reminded of Truth, and after having done all, to stand my ground.  But the devil is wiley - he often beats me to the punch.  I thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement.  Your words of kindness are often "higher" than what my own reality is... yet the love behind them and the actions that result from your love and concern is so genuine that it works Truth right into my being.  Thank you.