The Veil

Time for a health update, and “what I’ve been thinking about” update. 

Bad news, then good news: Three weeks ago the tumor marker climbed a hugely; and my liver enzyme test showed signs of a failing liver.  The oncologist explained that the diseased liver may be a side effect of the meds I’m taking to stall the cancer, rather than from the cancer itself, since the last CT Scan showed some improvement of the liver tumors.  The oncologist wanted to stop the meds, but I didn’t, because that could mean returning to the extreme pain I had. So, we compromised and cut the dosage in half and checked again last week to see if anything changed.  Indeed it had.  The liver is almost back to normal and the trajectory of that tumor marker certainly slowed down.  I am quite relieved that I don’t have to make a decision about the next treatment cycle.

And as for my title, The Veil, that refelects bit of bad news then good news too.  I guess the bad news would more aptly be called The Shroud.  I have become weary of people sending me the latest cancer cure - but without having done the research to see if that particular cure works with this particular type of cancer.  I’m the only researcher in the house, and do take seriously that I should do what I can in this fight. I can’t begin to make people understand how much studying I have done and money we’ve spent for a cure, as well as how strict my diet had been.  I have also had lots of healing prayers - and by several people with the gift of healing.  Then there have been all the inner/recall healing sessions, that were helpful, but seemed to come down to "if you missed something or don't work hard enough - you die."  This past month I hit some invisible wall of impatience or “that’s enough already!” as a few people actually reprimanded me for not taking “their” cure more seriously.  Any goon squads out there for hire?  (Just kidding.)   I do reserve the right to stop researching and trying the “latest and greatest” and would love it if people would keep their criticisms to themselves at that time.  (Alright, I got that out – and I hope I don’t need to return to that subject.)  And IF you are someone who has found the cure for cancer, and must share it with me, I just ask that you check to see if there is any evidence that it has cured someone - more than once -  with metastatic breast cancer to the bones and liver.  You'll save me the time.  All that has felt like a shroud to my freedom.

Another shroud to my soul has been a rash of bad news in the past two weeks – death of a friend who was in Mexico with me; others who have hit relapses with cancer, or are now facing cancer for the first time; the rape of a friend’s daughter.  The list could go on.  But you get the idea.  I feel such a sadness.

The ups and downs of test results make me a bit weary too – or maybe it’s the cancer that tires me out.  Not quite sure, but I am wanting my naps.  On the pain spectrum – well it’s still quite manageable.  I can get along without a walker or cane.  I will use a wheel chair if I have to walk a considerable distance – but I haven’t needed that since Seth’s graduation.  I am still driving, and doing light cooking and cleaning.  All is good that way.  As you continue to pray – of course, keep asking for complete healing, as I do, but in the short term pray for that gray fog to stay away from my emotions.

Now on to good news.  I continue to get my greatest encouragement from the Word of God.  Here’s just a couple observations:

Whenever anyone turns to the Lord the veil is taken away.  2 Corinthians 3:16

I can’t help but picture a bride walking up the aisle to meet her husband.  The veil covers her face.  Her happiness, her glow, that simply beautiful shine that seems to emit from the countenance of every thrilled woman about to be joined to the man of her dreams is hidden temporarily from everyone because of that veil.  But then the vows have been declared, the prayers of blessing bestowed, and it is time for the groom to lift the veil, to take it away, and to claim his treasure.  And then we all see – glory!  I love that moment.  Her beauty that day far surpasses her normal glow; far outshines the perfect make up job, she is simply and irrefutably more beautiful than ever.  I think my favorite part of every wedding is to see the bride,  because I feel I will see her in a way I’ll never see her again.  She’ll have that flush of excitement, the almost glazed over sense of unreality that she has finally arrived at this day she’s dreamt about since sahe knew about princes and princesses, true love, and happily ever after.

So it is when someone turns to the LORD.  Isn’t that the most beautiful picture?  We are the bride, turning to Christ.  He has made his promise to us.  But he does not take away the veil until we turn to him,  listen to his voice, and hear of his great love.  This particular verse keeps it so simple.  We are not asked to get our life all together.  We are not asked to promise away our future – but we will – we are just turning to him.  And when that veil is removed, when we grasp that glory, an ever increasing glory, we know, we completely know, this is the right decision.

This glory is not just for us women, but for men too.  And it will happen whenever we turn to the LORD.

Now the LORD is the Spirit; where the Spirit of the LORD is there is freedom. 2 Cor. 3:17

More true love!  There is a freedom that can only be known when surrounded by total love, acceptance, grace, and laughter.  I see this in families, couples and friendships.  I have seen this in my home.  I just watched it on a Facebook video posts.  When a child, whether 5 years old or 25 can suddenly break out in song (though lately, the only song seems to be “Let It Go” from Frozen), and not care what others think, well that is a part of freedom.  When they can talk to others about their interests, and want to know about the other, when they freely serve, give, sacrifice, because they are full of God’s love – that is freedom.  Families, marriages, friendships can all be very dangerous places regardless of best intentions.  Not until the Spirit of God infuses and heals, is a soul’s complete freedom really known.  I’m still a work in progress.  Ah, but one day… I will dance on the hillside in a willowy white sparkly gown and proclaim freedom!   As I look to the LORD, may my shroud, my veil be lifted… and yours too.  We are all facing hard stuff.