Fear God - Then nothing else is Fearful!

During the holidays I had been battling fears of cancer returning.   God began speaking to me about the need to keep my eyes on him, and that fear would dissolve.  Whereas last year’s theme was to “be still and know that He is God,” in January it changed to:

Psalm 112: 7-8, “A righteous person will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast trusting in the Lord; His heart is secure, He will have No Fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.  Also Psalm 147:11 Fear the LORD – The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Over the last couple of months I have been feeling unwell.  No pain, rather discomfort, pressure, low energy, more naps needed, less energy for hiking and exercising.  With a mission trip to Bolivia around the corner, I thought I had better move up the appointment to my oncologist just to make sure everything was all right.  I emailed my symptoms to him, asked if he would run my blood tests 6 weeks earlier than usual, and he okayed everything.  He said, that surprisingly, the day I was going in for blood work, he even had open appointments.  I generally have to book at least 2 weeks in advance to see him.

On Thursday, I went in.  My favorite nurse was there to draw my blood.  I explained my situation; she looked up my “tumor marker” numbers from blood tests of the last 3 years.  They were great – she was sure that number would still be low.

I was in and out of the lab so fast, and I was feeling so well, I decided that I was a total hypochondriac, and decided that I wouldn’t  wait 2 hours to see my oncologist.  But since his office was right around the corner, on the way to the exit, I stopped by.  Minor miracle again – he took me right in.  I had beat his first afternoon appointment, and he had arrived early.  In the exam room, the nurse had written something akin to:

 “The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.”

Okay… does all this mean something fearful is coming my way?  Yet, the messages are giving me peace.

Doc ordered CT Scan and a return appointment in two weeks.  I argued with him, as I generally do, over things that might cause more cancer – like radiation!  I told him to order it, and I would think it over.  I left without making the 2 week appointment… “what was the point?  I am feeling fine.  I really just need to start exercising more and taking my vitamins.”

The next day, in the evening, just 2 days ago, I checked my emails.  My lab work had come in.  I logged in and checked the tumor marker first.  I could not believe my eyes, it didn’t go up just a little, but over a 100 points.  It left “normal” in the dust.  Then followed the email from the doc.  “Schedule the CT Scan, your readings are elevated.  Need a biopsy.  See you in two weeks.”

CA 27-29 now had me curious.  What does this test do?  Is it accurate?  I learned that it is used to track breast cancer - when the cancer metastasizes.  It can also track benign tumors, colon cancer, etc.  So, now I wait.  Have to do the CT Scan this week.  

I can’t say I’m in perfect peace.  One of those sores popped out on my lip.  I think once I know what is going on, I can start dealing better.  I have had more discomfort than ever since the email…is that psycho-somatic?  Who can say?  But throughout the day, yesterday, I would suddenly feel well, really well.  I sensed someone must be praying for me.  I would be flooded with peace, and the  physical oddness would be gone.

 I have already decided that I will try to get to the Oasis of Hope for treatment, if it is needed.  A friend is taking me to a neuropathic doctor this evening.  See, if it is cancer, and tied to the breast cancer, then it is stage 4.  I’m not wanting to ever take chemo again – so will seek health naturally.  Famous last words?  Who knows.  Just starting a journey?  Who knows.  Patience – and it will all soon be clarified.

So, if you labored through my thoughts – please pray.  Thanks.